With seed heads blown by winds of chance,
bold dandelions spring up fast.
Though each has little time to last,
their parachuting fairies prance
supremely free, one must agree.
Upset, we glower, all askance.
Until their season's span has passed,
curse seed heads blown by winds of chance!
Small seed heads blown by winds of chance
think on their future days, not past,
and taunt us while we look aghast,
at thriving, golden, parent plants
so tall and proud, no living shroud,
but full of life's own joyful dance.
Unbounded vigour will outlast
us; seed heads blown by winds of chance.
Go and see Luke Prater at One Stop Poetry's Form Monday, if you want to know what is going on here!
N.B. I keep editing the original, for I started with the intention of ignoring meter, instead going for a syllabic count, but old habits die hard, and the rhythm is gradually winning with each new edit! I think this is a work in progress...
I love this Jinksy - very brave to go for the double - the way you've kept but adjusted the refrain line - brilliant !!
ReplyDeleteHi Jinksy. I love this one, dandilions are a pain but I can't bear to destroy them all as they are so pretty so one corner of my garden is a wildlife garden where they flourish gaily and brighten many a dull day.
ReplyDeleteOn lines 4 and 7 in your first stanza I think your syllable count is off by one. How about 'parachuting fairies' and 'long season'? Just suggestions. I love it anyway.
Thanks, Penny! Well spotted. (Now I feel like I'm talking to myself!!!)
ReplyDeleteI've taken your suggestion and edited both wonky lines - I must be slipping today, not to have noticed them myself. Silly me. :)
Nice, love the edits.
ReplyDeleteFlowers like these might be weeds but they are what make our countryside beautiful. Lovely words as always.
ReplyDeleteCJ xx
That's a hard form, but you've handled it really well--and I love the refrain (aren't we all just seed heads blown by winds of chance?). Gorgeous write, Jinksy!
ReplyDeleteSuch inspiration for today! You have outdone yourself and you make dandelions seem almost heroic.
ReplyDeleteHave they always been in your header photo or did you just add them?
ReplyDeleteMargaret, indeed they have!
ReplyDeleteLove the photo - they are conflicted plants aren't they. i loved the prancing parachute fairies and the dance of the adult plants. This is a difficult form isn't it? You have used it brilliantly to explain the dandelion dilemma.
ReplyDeleteYes I like yours very well. The constraints of the poem make it difficult to allow a natural flow of language. I am having difficulties with it. I had a double written but feel it's too cliche. After reading yours may work on it a little more. Thank you and well done. Gay
ReplyDeleteVery well done Jinksy !
ReplyDeleteWonderful work my friend, altho they are hated they give a most wonderful show.
ReplyDeleteThis paints a vivid picture in my mind - I liked the change of mood in the second half. Your message is very relevant.
ReplyDeleteflawless high octain jinksy - honestly - i didn't expect anything else from you - fine rhymes - you even brought in a d/d rhyme. a beautiful piece! i think you would be also able to make it all iambic - doesn't have to be but you could!! and i think you will...smiles
ReplyDeleteNice nature poem within the form, I went for iambic last week but felt it a lot of hard work!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful~ I love how you have grabbed the High Octain form and your presentation is stunning. Keep at it with the meter, it is truly worth it in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteBeth
First I have to applaud the use of "askance" what a great word. I really enjoyed, and from one poet that colors outside the lines to another, it was fantastic ~ Rose
ReplyDeleteha this was a delight...i love dandelions...parachute fairy dance...excellent...
ReplyDeleteBeautiful piece and very effective use of the High Octain.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it rather difficult to ignore meter in an eight syllable line?
ReplyDeleteThank you for the accomplished octain and the easy-to-read typeface. Wish all bloggers thought about readers with less than 20/20!
Very nice Jinksy!
ReplyDelete