Melody
In all the days I spend with you,
each moment forms a memory
which betters any fantasy.
And in my dreaming, it comes true,
it lives again. Its rich refrain
accompanies the things I do,
with everlasting melody
of all the days I spend with you.
17 May 2011
Where Went Monday?
It passed too quickly for me to find the prompt on One Stop Monday Form. So here is an Octain for Tuesday, instead - eight lines of eight syllables, with a rhyme scheme of A b b , a c/c a , b A with an internal rhyme, c/c, in line five.
Melody
In all the days I spend with you,
each moment forms a memory
which betters any fantasy.
And in my dreaming, it comes true,
it lives again. Its rich refrain
accompanies the things I do,
with everlasting melody
of all the days I spend with you.
Melody
In all the days I spend with you,
each moment forms a memory
which betters any fantasy.
And in my dreaming, it comes true,
it lives again. Its rich refrain
accompanies the things I do,
with everlasting melody
of all the days I spend with you.
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Wow, what a brain teaser the form is, and what a great job you did! Your poem is lovely.
ReplyDeleteI have to pop over to One Stop to see if others are still posted.
Beautifully flowing poem & very sweet! I was also late to the party...many thanks for your comment..most appreciated! :)
ReplyDeleteBrilliantly put!
ReplyDeleteThis has such a charming lilt to it, and leaves the reader feeling really good.
ReplyDeleteThis has a lovely rhythm to it - the repetition in the last line of the words from the first finish the verse perfectly.
ReplyDeleteA few of us missed the prompt on that one... love your take on it.
ReplyDeletePerfect octain (I think)--nice poetry.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
ReplyDeleteyou nailed the form jinksy - but i haven't expected anything else because i think you have a mathematical brain...smiles - great octain!
ReplyDeleteThis post is straight from the Heart.
ReplyDeleteTechnically flawless, and I can't fault the rendering of your heme either. No novice poet here, clearly. The topic you're on is one difficult to pull of sans cliche, but you have managed with what appears quite some ease. I see no mention of love/heart/soul/forever/ etc, yet these are all implied. It's a far more interesting read, and has more impact, because of this. Particularly like your c/c internal rhyme - subtly different - so avoids sounding corning or forced (again/refrain - I guess it depends on how you pronounce 'again' I suppose!).
ReplyDeleteOne thing - the period to close line one seems out of place grammatically and stops the the flow dead there; if it were mine I'd have a comma, like this -
In all the days I spend with you,
each moment forms a memory
which betters any fantasy.
Fine octain, enjoyed muchly
regards,
Luke
Luke - thank you for pointing out the typo! That was meant to be a comma at the end of line one (I had used a lower case letter after it, so it was what I'd intended, and I've duly edited it.)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words.
Hi again Jinksy - how would you feel about me including your Octain in an all-Octain thread I have running currently on FaceBook (where I invented it) – this is a thread where I’ve collected all Octains written so far in one place. Author of each retains copyright 100%, and I also put a link to your blog beneath. If you are on FB, I can tag you in the thread so you can see all of them together (we’ll be nearing 100 now depending on how many of the Form Monday bloggers are OK with it). I will probably stop collecting them together after the 100 mark, but it’s nice to see the originals of a form. If you aren’t on FB I can email you the entire thread. My FB account link is on my sidebar. Absolutely no problem and fully understand if you don’t wish to have yours included.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks
Luke
Luke - I’m not on Face Book, but I’d be chuffed to be one of the hundred – so much nicer than FEELING like 100 on a bad day! Hehehe!
ReplyDeleteI apologise for not doing a good job editing before I posted you Quatrain with that blasted full stop which I fully intended should be a comma! It’s twice as galling, as I’m always a stickler about such things when I spot errors in Blogland at large. Serves me right!