illuminate night
with their song
while moths dance,
enchanted by star-bright notes
which fill the darkness.
Thanks go to Tess for a black and white image on the Mag, entitled Ponytail, by Last Extra, in which I endeavoured to instill a little colour, if not music, for this simple shadorma - an unrhymed verse form of 3/5/3/3/7/5 syllables.
But then I looked again at the original photo
and decided to have another go at a smoke related offering, even though I have never had a cigarette in all my life, I can see it as a metaphor for love that's gone up in smoke!
But I did need to look at it the other way up...
A fag end of a day;
black thoughts curl away
and leave charred
remains. It's hard
when love goes wrong
and its song
drifts
in wisps
of smoke which leave
eyes stinging. We've
come to a point where it
makes sense to quit...
but they don't make patches
which match
love's affliction;
a different addiction.
A lovely evening dance you have created with your words and image!
ReplyDeleteBut it came to a halt when I added the second poem,eh?!
DeleteVery creative! You could also have flipped images/poems. My interpretation? The first image looks like a lung biopsy (from a smoker) .. the second image like a moth flying about. Happy Sunday!
ReplyDeleteNow I’ve gone back for a second look- I think your idea would work better – but I’m not going to switch the pictures now, but thank you for the new insight! I like your thinking…
DeleteThese are both very good. I am impressed by how you manipulated the first image and I love the metaphor in the second poem.
ReplyDeleteI liked your first one: clever, and not all that far from excellent.
ReplyDeleteVery clever I thought--and thank you for sharing your process around the prompt--that makes this all the more interesting for me
ReplyDeleteWow, a double-header! I like both, but especially the second one. From the first line with, "Fag end of a day" to the closing, "love's affliction;/ a different addiction." Great metaphors and just spot on comparison (though I'm not a smoker either).
ReplyDeleteYes love can be very addictive and lead us down smokey paths! Loved both of your works...
ReplyDeleteHugs
SueAnn
The first one is gorgeous! The second is a very apt metaphor, deep with emotion (I have never smoked either I have never understood the initial impetus)
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff. Metaphors well held in both, but in the second particularly.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you took this photo all the way..both splendid! A labyrinth and a will-o-the-wisp!
ReplyDeleteWell done on both Jinksy. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
Clever as always, and no less beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWhile I love the image created by your first attempt, I REALLY love the emotional angst spilled by your second! Well done !!!
ReplyDeleteSuperb. That's an amazing poem, Jinksy! One could believe you're actually a 20 Marlboro a day lost lover!
ReplyDeleteWow! What fantastic work Jinksy!!
ReplyDeleteI loved these.
ReplyDeleteBoth are great, but I love your smokey poem. It is my favorite poem of yours, hands down! Wonderful post, Jinksy.
ReplyDeleteLove can be addictive, sometimes we just don't know when to let go. Nice work here..glad I stopped by to read.
ReplyDeleteA different addiction indeed...
ReplyDelete