Sunday, May 26

Songbirds

Nightingales
illuminate night
with their song
while moths dance,
enchanted by star-bright notes
which fill the darkness.


Thanks go to Tess for a black and white image on the Mag,  entitled Ponytail, by Last Extra, in which I endeavoured to instill a little colour, if not music, for this simple shadorma - an unrhymed verse form of 3/5/3/3/7/5 syllables.

But then I looked again at the original photo
and decided to have another go at a smoke related offering, even though I have never had a cigarette in all my life, I can see it as a metaphor for love that's gone up in smoke!
But I did need to look at it the other way up...

Smokescreen

A fag end of a day;
black thoughts curl away
and leave charred
remains. It's hard
when love goes wrong
and its song
drifts
in wisps
of smoke which leave
eyes stinging. We've
come to a point where it
makes sense to quit...
but they don't make patches
which match
love's affliction;
a different addiction.

21 comments:

  1. A lovely evening dance you have created with your words and image!

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    1. But it came to a halt when I added the second poem,eh?!

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  2. Very creative! You could also have flipped images/poems. My interpretation? The first image looks like a lung biopsy (from a smoker) .. the second image like a moth flying about. Happy Sunday!

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    1. Now I’ve gone back for a second look- I think your idea would work better – but I’m not going to switch the pictures now, but thank you for the new insight! I like your thinking…

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  3. These are both very good. I am impressed by how you manipulated the first image and I love the metaphor in the second poem.

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  4. I liked your first one: clever, and not all that far from excellent.

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  5. Very clever I thought--and thank you for sharing your process around the prompt--that makes this all the more interesting for me

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  6. Wow, a double-header! I like both, but especially the second one. From the first line with, "Fag end of a day" to the closing, "love's affliction;/ a different addiction." Great metaphors and just spot on comparison (though I'm not a smoker either).

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  7. Yes love can be very addictive and lead us down smokey paths! Loved both of your works...
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  8. The first one is gorgeous! The second is a very apt metaphor, deep with emotion (I have never smoked either I have never understood the initial impetus)

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  9. Great stuff. Metaphors well held in both, but in the second particularly.

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  10. So glad you took this photo all the way..both splendid! A labyrinth and a will-o-the-wisp!

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  11. Well done on both Jinksy. Lovely.

    Anna :o]

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  12. Clever as always, and no less beautiful.

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  13. While I love the image created by your first attempt, I REALLY love the emotional angst spilled by your second! Well done !!!

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  14. Superb. That's an amazing poem, Jinksy! One could believe you're actually a 20 Marlboro a day lost lover!

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  15. Wow! What fantastic work Jinksy!!

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  16. Both are great, but I love your smokey poem. It is my favorite poem of yours, hands down! Wonderful post, Jinksy.

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  17. Love can be addictive, sometimes we just don't know when to let go. Nice work here..glad I stopped by to read.

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  18. A different addiction indeed...

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